The Long Dance Good-night

the better to bore you with, my dear

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The Great 2010 Brain-Meat Experiment

Today, I take my first Adderall.

I met with my primary care physician on Wednesday just to talk things over, after a convergence of influences finally conspired to push me over to making this happen. The New Year. The examples of a few people I respect greatly. This thread here.

And of course the big deciding factor: me. Some of you reading this have known me for decades, some of you have known me for weeks. Regardless, I doubt many of you are surprised by this. I have... character traits. Quirks, tics, things that amuse you, annoy the piss out of you. It's nothing new.

So why now, then? If pressed, I'd have to say it's on account of being in a position for the first time in my life where both my day job and my personal endeavors are primarily driven by my own dedication and productivity. And it hasn't been going so well. No, I'm in no danger of being fired (right, Kristie? Right?!), but countless are the times I've sat at my desk with a pile of shit to do, or sat in front of the damn TV with unfinished songs upstairs, and thought: "I could really be doing this a lot better."

So. The conventional introductory dosage is 20mg; I'm doing 10 on account of how crazy apprehensive I still am. Reaching an acceptance of the need to do something about it doesn't erase this many years of resistance. Hell, I still can't be expected to know what's going to happen. Of course I know what's supposed to happen, or at least have that vague idea every ADD schmuck has about how normal brain-meat is supposed to function. Whether or not the idea becomes the reality, well, we'll find out in an hour or so.

Hey, I did say I needed a shakeup.

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I think that if you believe that you can really benefit from medication, and need it, by all means, take it. I'm certain you've done sufficient amounts of investigation into your own personal quirks and problems, because I know you're a freakin' smart cookie.

As anti-drug as I am (mainly for myself - my issues aren't chemical), I take both sides of the fence on the medication vs. therapy debate - there are some things that therapy or counseling just can't fix, and vice versa.

I hope that things go well in this endeavor, and that the medication will help you. And if it doesn't, I wish you the best of luck in finding a solution that will work to your best advantage.

Sometimes brainmeat can do with a little chemical tenderizing. Good luck!

Traits or none, adderall or none, yr always a Marshall to me.



I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but after I had dropped out of University somebody finally figured out I was ADHD. It wasn't that well known in Australia at that time, and my parents, being pragmatic medical practitioners didn't believe it existed.

Anyways, I've been dealing with that the last decade or so and I've had mixed successes with dexamphetamine, ritalin, meditation etc. I don't think there is a magic bullet, but you never know what will work for you.

Interestingly, I over Christmas I was working as a temp in a bookshop and I found that the structure of that job suited my temperment and talents down to a T: rushing around finding books for customers, putting them through the tills, tidying the shelves and making sure that the stock levels were as correct as possible.

Though I will say that when I was given some specific tasks (find a particular sticker) and I suddenly noticed that the counter was being rushed or someone really wanted to find An Atheists Guide to Christmas or some such, sometimes I would forget what I was supposed to be doing in the first place.

I could be wrong, but you seem like a fairly high function dude in the first place, so you should come out pretty well.

Best of luck.

see, now i know that you have a blog. and so now i can tell you, in its proper and well informed venue, from a fellow water sign moon, that you are on a path to the golden better. what is supposed to happen is that everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. there is a lot of thinking and suddenly you are, as you classed it, the 'Universal Soldier'.. but you tend to stay a general rather than an enlisted lad. the war becomes happy but the song becomes sad.
all the heavens of luck to you lad.


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