Today, I take my first Adderall.
I met with my primary care physician on Wednesday just to talk things over, after a convergence of influences finally conspired to push me over to making this happen. The New Year. The examples of a few people I respect greatly. This thread here.
And of course the big deciding factor: me. Some of you reading this have known me for decades, some of you have known me for weeks. Regardless, I doubt many of you are surprised by this. I have... character traits. Quirks, tics, things that amuse you, annoy the piss out of you. It's nothing new.
So why now, then? If pressed, I'd have to say it's on account of being in a position for the first time in my life where both my day job and my personal endeavors are primarily driven by my own dedication and productivity. And it hasn't been going so well. No, I'm in no danger of being fired (right, Kristie? Right?!), but countless are the times I've sat at my desk with a pile of shit to do, or sat in front of the damn TV with unfinished songs upstairs, and thought: "I could really be doing this a lot better."
So. The conventional introductory dosage is 20mg; I'm doing 10 on account of how crazy apprehensive I still am. Reaching an acceptance of the need to do something about it doesn't erase this many years of resistance. Hell, I still can't be expected to know what's going to happen. Of course I know what's supposed to happen, or at least have that vague idea every ADD schmuck has about how normal brain-meat is supposed to function. Whether or not the idea becomes the reality, well, we'll find out in an hour or so.
Hey, I did say I needed a shakeup.